Over time, the meanness cycle escalates in severity and increases in duration.
Similarly, Carver notes that the Loser doesn’t have to exhibit all of the symptoms listed below to be dangerous.
The presence of even three of these symptoms indicates a potentially harmful relationship.
Anything above this number points to not just probable, but certain harm.
Carver begins by defining “the Loser”: “‘The Loser’ is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship…
Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you.
No matter how promiscuous they actually are, they focus their energies on their most desirable targets.
As easily as he attached to them initially, he later detached from them to pursue his next conquest(s). Through such behavior, Losers show their targets that they’re capable of doing the same thing to them. Losers generally prefer flings and short-term affairs, which provide constant new thrills.They may do so through overt criticism and by following them around when they meet with others, as Drew did to Stacy.Sometimes they opt for more subtle manipulation, such as by covertly turning the victim against her own family and friends (and vice versa).As Carver observes, “The Loser feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior…Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you’ll develop the feeling that it’s better not to talk to family and friends.Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating.” The period of sweetness leads the partners of Losers to cling to the relationship in the misguided hope of finding what psychologist Susan Forward calls “the magic key” that will make the psychopath stay nice to them. The psychopath invariably cycles back to his real, nasty self.